so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
