every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
