atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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