The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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