He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
