OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
