i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
