Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
