she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
