Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
