somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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