I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
