New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
