I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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