so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
