I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize