Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
