Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You made out with two different species that night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
