Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
