Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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