Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
