Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
