Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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