She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
