Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
