so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
