Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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