every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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