Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
