you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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