Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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