So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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