Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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