Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
