my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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