Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
