Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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