I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
