Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
How does one acquire holy water?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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