Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's rum buckets o'clock
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
