Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
