People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
