i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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