i don't like sucking hair
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
