I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
