i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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