The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
