i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
