Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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