i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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