Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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