Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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