love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
