someone threw a dead crab at me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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