theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
