I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
