You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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