he thought i was a dude.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
