I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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