Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
