Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
