Moan for me like Helen Keller
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
