I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
