I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
