He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?