I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
