are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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