Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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