Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
