i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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