Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
