I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
