I'm really into asian looking animals
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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